One of those Days

You know those days when you feel like stabbing yourself with a tooth pick until you die would be less painful that what you are currently dealing with?

Well today is that day.

There is never really one big huge thing that happens that makes the day come crashing down around you, it is always a bunch of little things, or maybe one little thing that is the last straw. They are things that when you think back on that day from a better one, they are meaningless and you laugh at how ridiculous you were being. But at that moment it was the worst thing that had ever happened to you. For instance, my crappy day started with me leaving the amazingly delicious brownies I had made for a friend's birthday at home. I did turn around and go get them, I wasn't going to let my pains from the night before be for nothing. I was late but not terribly late, yet on this particular morning, it was too late. From there everything went down hill. It is a disgustingly long story and I don't want to depress you with the gory details. It has been an awful day that is just beginning.

At this moment I am waiting for my darling mother to arrive so that I can learn about all the things I have failed at today. Don't you love when parents say we will talk about this at home? There is no escape when you are home for the day. It reminds me of when I was a little girl and I would be sent to my room to wait for my dad to come home. I knew what was coming yet I prayed to God he would forget to come up and take care of the situation. But he never forgot, actually I should say my mom never forgot to inform him, and as he walked up the stairs snapping his belt I would furiously shove pillows down my pants to save more poor butt from total annihilation. But this was pointless because my parents were firm believers of spanking bare buns. I knew it was pointless and yet I did it. Why did I do it? I guess I went into survival mode, I tried to do anythng I could to save myself. How extremely futile, no one can save themselves. And yet all I want to do right now is save myself from the mental abuse I know is coming with the arrival of my mother. I wish I could stuff pillows into my head to protect my mind.

Pray for me.