Inspiration

I have a little sister who can write about anything she wants at any time she wants. I could say "Hey, Kenzie make staring at a wall sound awesome" and she can do it. She simply grabs a piece of paper and writes and when she finally raises her head form her task she has created a magnificient piece that I am completely awed by. Writing on demand, isn't that what all writers want? With such a talent there is really no need for inspiration, you are a genious in need of nothing outside of your own mind. I know I should not covet other people's gifts but I can not help myself. I can hardly call myself a writer after I spend hours on a paragraph that I have poured my heart and soul into. I simply do not have a natural tendency towards writing, creative writing that is. Sure I can whip out an 18 page hermeneutic within a couple of hours and ace it, but that is different. I am told exactly what I am so supposed to write about, what is expected of me when the paper is complete. I am good at that, I even won an award for it. My problem is that I do not want to be a good dictator of other's thoughts. I want to be able to write my own, to tell people of the world that I see. I have these splendid ideas but I never write them down because when I do they sound like crap. I never know what I should write about or of the ideas I do have are worth anything. I am always afraid no one will like it, that it was a bad idea. How do I write things that others want. When my sister Austin writes every one is istantly intrigued. We always know it is going to have a moral, a life lesson shown through something we had never thought of before. It will be hysterical in that quircky way it's creator is, the way that everybody loves. And of course by the end we will all be wishing that we were all that brilliant. I know I have it in me, not to be absolutley amazing like Austin, but to simply succeed in writing what I truly want to write and actually interesting some one else. I can feel it pulling at my heart, longing to break free of my controlled mind, every time I hera a piece of amazing literature. I become inspired as I listen to the great writers of our time and the great past, yet it is not the sort of inspiration that makes words flow. I need an inspiration, I need something worth writing for.